I recently suggested to a study group that if you pray for humility you will probably experience situations that cause you to be humiliated. I did not wait many days when this turned out to be a true word in my own life. I was approached by a brother who challenged something that I had done. My reaction to his observation and reasonable request was to immediately get defensive. Beyond defensive I got angry. I rarely get angry and pride myself on my ability to remain calm when under fire... "Did I really just say that I PRIDE MYSELF on my ability to remain calm when under fire?" I crashed...I burned...and I proved that pride goes before the disaster.
After the initial wave of anger had passed. (It took a few minutes) I was thoroughly humiliated and found it difficult to find the adequate words to express how sorry I was for my bad behavior. Now here is the "thing" that bothers me as I ponder the events: "Was I truly sorry for my anger? or was I simply embarrassed? or was I trying to cover my humiliation by acting repentant so that my brother would think better of me?" In other words, was I still acting in pride? That is how tricky pride can be as it creeps through our emotions and tests our character.
This is what I know: I have an anger problem. I have a pride problem. I have a sin problem. Romans 3:23 indicates that everyone has a sin problem, which leads me to two conclusions: 1) I have not arrived spiritually and will need the Holy Spirit to continue His transforming work as long as I am alive. 2) I need to treat people with greater forbearance, seeing myself as I really am and seeing them with the love of God.
Prayer: "Dear Heavenly Father, I know that You know me better than I know myself. The picture that I have of myself is more exalted than it should be. You have an accurate understanding of who I am and what I need to be transformed. As difficult as it is to entrust myself to be clay in Your hands...may I be clay in Your hands. Lord, have Your way with me. Amen"
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